


You Can See Better Up Here

by yukiawison



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Trees, soft connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 14:29:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10901277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiawison/pseuds/yukiawison
Summary: Connor's never done this. Connor Murphy's gay ass doesn't know how to do this. Oh shit this is a bad idea isn't it?Or Connor and Evan climb a fire tower.





	You Can See Better Up Here

Connor was nervous. "I have some sandwiches in the cooler in the back if you get hungry Evan."

"You made sandwiches?" His face lit up and Connor had to turn his eyes back to the road so he wasn't further distracted. 

"They're just PB&J," he muttered, not divulging that he bought Evan's favorite strawberry jam and cinnamon swirl bread specifically. 

Evan reached around and got a sandwich from the cooler. "Are you really not gonna tell me where we're going?"

"Nope, surprise," he said. He had his hair pulled into a bun and sunscreen shined on his nose and forehead. He was sweating a truly stupid amount. Today was the day he was going to tell Evan Hansen how he felt. It wasn't as if their friendship had started conventionally. Connor shoved him in the hallway and end up apologizing after he helped him through a panic attack in the bathroom. Then there were the emails and eventually texts and sitting together at lunch and listening to him go on and on about his environmental science class and somewhere along the way he fell for the dork. 

They had reached a gravel road flanked by trees. Evan looked out the window and named them as they passed. "There's a sassafras and that's a poplar and over there's an oak," he said between bites. "Are we getting close?"

A couple weeks into their friendship Evan had stuttered out something dumb about whether or not they were really friends and that he was probably just embarrassing Connor and whatnot. He was always saying self-deprecating shit like that. It pissed Connor off. 

He was getting better though. Sometimes he even ordered his own food when they went out. That used to make him so anxious he could hardly breathe. And he was more receptive to Connor's compliments. He was really proud of Evan. And, though he'd never day it out loud, he was proud of himself. Since Evan he'd been better at controlling his anger. He'd started showing up to class so he could see him. And he spent more time playing video games and doing homework with Evan than getting high nowadays. 

"We're here," he said, pulling into a vacant parking spot. Evan looked at him and then over to the fire tower. 

"You'll be able to see the trees better from up there," he mumbled. "And the sun's setting soon."

Evan unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to hug Connor. "Thanks," he said. "Thanks a lot."

"Thank me when we're at the top dork," he stuttered. 

Connor, surprisingly, had never been good with heights. Evan went behind him, hands poised hesitantly on his waist. "I-I've uh g-got you," he said. Connor's face went red but his hands were still shaking on the railings because of the altitude. 

It was more stable at the top, though that didn't change the rapid pounding of his heart. He prepared himself as Evan excitedly snapped photos of the treetops. 

"Hey, um, Evan?"

"Yeah?" The light was deep shades of orange and gold and it caught in his messy hair and lingered in his galaxy of freckles. What if he got angry? What if he didn't want to be friends with his gay ass? Maybe this was a terrible idea. 

"Connor?"

"I have something to tell you. I've kind of got...well I mean I really have feelings for you. I um...I like you a lot Evan and not just as friends. But if it's going to be weird we can just forget I said anything and go back to uh..."

"Connor." He looked up, realizing he'd been rambling. 

"I uh, love you Evan Hansen." Before he could take in his reaction Evan's arms were around his chest. He buried his face in Connor's shirt and hung on for dear life. 

"Evan? Evan are you okay?"

"You know you're my best friend right?" He said, voice muffled by the fabric. A breeze ruffled the trees and shook the fire tower terrifyingly. Connor gripped Evan's shoulders despite himself. He was pretty sure this was the beginning of a "we're better off as just friends" speech. 

"I never had a best friend before you," he said. "I thought I'd be alone forever. I thought since no one really liked me or paid attention to what I did that I didn't matter."

"You matter Evan."

He lifted his face from Connor's shirt. "I know that now. I know I matter because of you. You're here and you're important to me and if something matters to me maybe I matter too. You're my best friend Connor."

"So you don't...?"

"Let me finish."

Evan usually let himself be cut off so Connor stopped. "You're good Connor. You're so good. I know you don't hear it a lot. And I know people might tell me I'm wrong but you are good and smart and funny and I love it when you sing in the car even though you didn't this time because you were probably nervous. I love your sandwiches and your hair and the way you smile at me when I do something stupid and calm me down when I panic. I love your anger and your sadness and your chipped nail polish. The thought of losing you. I-I," he started to shake. 

"Evan, it's okay. No matter what you're still my best friend."

"I love you too Connor." 

He stared at him. Evan was smiling. "I love you," he repeated. "I thought it would be weird but if you love me too then...oh wait did I ruin it? I ruined it didn't I? I'm sorry. You had this all planned out and I went and..."

Connor kissed him: quickly, nervously, like he still couldn't believe all the things he'd said he loved about him. Connor didn't even love himself like that. 

"I'm sorry," Connor said. "I just needed to kiss you."

Evan leaned in and kissed him back, slower, deeper, calm and cool in a way he didn't think Evan Hansen was capable. 

"That was...you're really good at that."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Connor said and then he was laughing and aware of how high up they were. "Can we go down? I like it better on solid ground."

"Yeah," Evan said, smile so wide Connor was afraid he might stretch out his face. "Yeah I feel like my head's in the clouds."

"Dork."

"Connor?"

"Yeah?"

"Does this mean you're my boyfriend now?"

"Moving awfully fast there Hansen," he grinned. 

"I'm sorry. I mean I didn't mean to just assume we were..."

"I'm your boyfriend Evan."

"Good," he muttered. "I've never had a boyfriend either."

They climbed down slowly. Connor wasn't scared anymore but Evan still put his hands on his waist. The sun had set when they got back to the car. He yawned and turned on the headlights. 

"Hey, what's that tree?"

Evan told him, and then he leaned over so his head rested on Connor's shoulder. "I was kind of scared to tell you."

"You did a good job."

"Thanks Evan."

"You're welcome boyfriend."


End file.
